It's Not Just the Coaches — We're All Feeding a Culture of Unrealistic Expectations

Lately, there’s been growing criticism around the rise of self-proclaimed life coaches and the pop-psychology wave sweeping through social media. And to be fair — a lot of that criticism is valid.

Many of these so-called coaches have no formal training, no psychological background, and no ethical board overseeing their practices. They're offering emotional quick-fixes wrapped in feel-good slogans:
“Think positive!”
“Cut off negative people!”
“Manifest your dream life!”

It sounds great. It feels empowering — for a while. But then what?

Eventually, people start to feel anxious, lost, or unmotivated — because life isn't always shiny. And instead of being taught to process those experiences, they’re made to feel like they’ve failed at positivity. That something’s wrong with them because they’re not always confident, productive, or glowing with high vibes.

It’s no surprise that many young people today feel emotionally disoriented.

But here’s the thing:
It’s not just the coaches. They didn’t invent this system. They’re simply thriving in a culture that was already broken.

The Bigger Picture: A Culture Obsessed with Feeling Good
Before Instagram coaches and viral motivational reels, there were fashion magazines, music videos, glossy ads, and reality TV — all shaping what it meant to be “successful” or “happy.”

Youth were already being taught to chase beauty, status, and fame. They were absorbing ideals about perfection and consumption long before the first “manifest your dream life” post went viral.

Today, that messaging hasn’t gone away — it’s just multiplied and digitized.

Social Media, Dopamine, and Performative Confidence
Apps like TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube reward content that is fast, upbeat, and visually polished. And so, we now live in a world where confidence is a performance — curated, filtered, and looped in 15-second bursts.

Youths are absorbing these fragments constantly, creating a subconscious belief that life should always look — and feel — that way. If it doesn’t, they assume something’s wrong. With them.

This kind of dopamine-driven consumption trains the brain to seek instant gratification and quick emotional highs. And when real life demands patience, discomfort, or stillness? It feels unbearable.

Gaming, Hyper-Stimulation & Shortened Attention
Even gaming culture, often overlooked in these conversations, contributes to this overstimulation loop. Games are designed to offer quick wins, rapid feedback, and escalating levels of excitement. When everything becomes gamified — including wellness — the value of slowness, effort, and failure gets lost.

What About the Motivational Gurus?
Then there are the big names on stages, with booming voices and catchy taglines. While some have genuine insights, many gloss over the most important part of growth: facing your inner shadows.

Healing isn’t just about pumping yourself up. It’s about sitting with your pain, confronting patterns, and doing the quiet, often uncomfortable work of transformation. No one wants to sell that part — because it doesn’t go viral. But it’s the part that matters most.

So Who’s Really to Blame?
It would be easy to pin the blame solely on coaches. But that would be like blaming only the cough in a body full of infection. They’re just one expression of a wider issue — a culture that values speed over depth, image over truth, and comfort over growth.

We’ve created a society where emotional maturity is secondary to appearance. Where performance replaces presence. Where feeling good is more important than being real.

What Can We Do Instead?
We don’t need more perfect influencers. We need more honest conversations.

Let’s stop pretending emotions can be “hacked.”

Let’s stop consuming positivity like it’s caffeine.

Let’s teach our youth (and ourselves) that being human includes uncertainty, grief, failure, and doubt.

Let’s value mentors, not just influencers. Substance, not just style.

Let’s slow down.

Most importantly, let’s reconnect to something deeper than dopamine — a sense of self that isn’t defined by aesthetics, algorithms, or applause.

Final Thoughts
The real issue isn’t just coaching. It’s the conditions that made superficial coaching so appealing in the first place.

Until we address the deeper cultural narratives — the ones about success, emotion, beauty, and meaning — we’ll keep treating the symptoms without healing the wound.

Let’s build something more sustainable. Not just another trend, but a new way of being.

Article By:
Norazah Al Yahya
MSc Business Psychology
19th May 2025

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